


Home Grown Self-Discovery

by LadyKrystine



Category: Stardew Valley (Video Game)
Genre: F/M, LGBTQ Character, M/M, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-22
Updated: 2019-01-11
Packaged: 2019-06-30 21:50:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15760386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyKrystine/pseuds/LadyKrystine
Summary: Andreiu is a trans* boy who left the city in order to find peace within himself and adjust to his new life. He has convinced himself that he should be interested in girls, lest he get questions about if he’s into guys, why did he become a guy and be gay instead of staying a “straight girl”. He has already made some questionable life choices when it comes to making new friends and trying to find romance in the small town his grandfather told him so much about.This is his story.





	1. Home Grown Self-Discovery

It seemed interesting that no matter which girl he talked to, he couldn’t find any real connection to them. Sure, he didn’t mind being a model for Haley, especially when the cherry blossom petals made for a beautiful, natural environment. He enjoyed playing video games with Abby; it made him feel almost normal in a way. He even found some delight in talking about crystals and positive vibes with Emily, even if it wasn’t really his cup of tea...

But something always seemed off. It didn’t fit right. It didn’t mesh right. It was like two puzzle pieces that almost fit, but not quite. It wasn’t enough for him to pay too much attention to it. He would learn to love at least one of these beautiful, unique women in time.

His first pursuit was Haley. Perhaps someone so different from himself would be the girl to claim his heart. He helped her open jars. He found her lost bracelet behind a bush, to be rewarded with a hug. They spent a day trying to climb on cows to take pictures, only to end up in the dirt. Then the bouquet came followed by a few more sweet conversations and a kiss after developing the pictures from the cow-day. But it still didn’t feel right. He wrote an apologetic letter to her, enclosing a little trinket he knew she’d like, but indicating that he didn’t want to pursue any further romantic relationship with her.

Not learning from his mistakes by dating her sister, Andreiu went after Emily. His only memories of their short-lived courtship are her awkward dancing and the interesting experience of clothing therapy. That was an experience, but when Clint came back in and caught Emily about to confess, it was enough for him to back off. He always thought Clint would be a better fit for Emily than himself. Emily is still a dear friend, and Andreiu had the honor of being her man of honor to her inevitable marriage to none other than Clint.

Then came his fling with Leah, someone he thought was a kindred spirit in the pursuit of the fine arts. While he preferred music, she was a gifted sculpture artist. He remembered the nights where he would talk to her about whatever new project she had in mind. At his suggestion, she planned her art show. It was a success, and he hadn’t seen Leah any happier. Then their night in the Cindersap Forest that started with a kiss and ended with some heated words with her ex-lover, Kel. Even though he “won” in the end, knowing that there was another that would go to such lengths for Leah… Andreiu ended that relationship the next day.

Penny was the next girl he tried to romance. The quiet school teacher had a hard life in the form of her mother, and Andreiu had even saved up the resources to provide them with a proper home. That might have been the biggest problem. He felt somewhat responsible and invested in her happiness, from feigning enjoyment of her attempt at cooking to pretending to be a guest speaker for her two young students. It culminated in a trip to the spa where she confessed her feelings to him, but he had to break her heart and admit to both her and himself that she wasn’t the girl for him.

Abigail was his last attempt to pursue a girl. It was the closest thing to a perfect fit that he experienced. Between playing video games in her room and spending time with Sam and Sebastian at the saloon Gus ran, there was little time for typical romantic entanglement. Then, as to be expected, it fell into an easy friendship. A little bit later, it became apparent that Sebastian wanted her even more than Andreiu ever could. He knows they are also planning some sort of spiritual ceremony, even if it isn’t a traditional wedding. Tradition wasn’t either of their styles.

But that left one very alone young man on his farm with a sweet orange tabby and too much land for him to manage alone. It was then his friend through all of these failed relationships came to his mind. Alex, the first one he met – after Robin and Lewis – and the first one he became friends with. Andreiu thought about it, remembering the first time Alex tried to teach him how to play gridball and the terrible fumble on that first throw. Even though Alex preferred dogs and Andreiu loved his cat, both were fond of the other’s pet of choice. Through memories of his long since passed mother, the abuse his father put him through, and doubts about his goal as a professional gridball player, one thing said stuck with him all this time. A simple line Alex probably never paid much attention to: “you… you’re different than other guys. More sensitive. I’m glad.” Maybe that should have been the first sign…

As Andreiu mulled over the thoughts, a letter arrived from Alex, asking for a date. A date followed by a confession, admittance from both men about their attraction to the other, despite wanting to deny it. A season later, a wedding was held. A move in with some new work out gear and too many breakfasts made before Andreiu could wake made this new life happier.

The farm didn’t seem so big anymore now that he had a little extra help from someone who had been there the whole experiment. Who cared if someone made snide comments about their love and happily ever after? They both knew one truth: those that care don’t matter… and those that matter don’t care.


	2. Two Halves of Two Wholes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Andrieu thought life was as good as it could get, having found someone who loved him as he was... but it's not always that easy, even in a small town with simple problems. Feeling like two halves don't fit together, Andrieu turns to his friends for comfort, advice, and a way to come back from darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not have personal experience with being trans* or having an identity drastically different from how I present myself. I've talked with a friend who is trans* about her experiences with similar situations in order to have a better understanding. I know one person's experience doesn't make it universal, but it gave me guidance to approach this with some sense of understanding. So, thank you Jess. You're a life saver.

It should have been an easy love, Andrieu thought a year after his wedding to Alex. It should have been easy, like falling asleep or feeding the chickens. But to think of a divorce for them… Alex, barely 20, and himself only 25. It was a hard thought to swallow.

Even if one person is able to help awaken something that had been dormant in another, that wasn’t always enough to make a lasting bond. Perhaps they rushed into a marriage, fueled by new emotions and a new level of acceptance for something that might not have been so common in another town. Alex’s family supported them, of course, as did everyone else in the town.

That was something he needed to come to terms with before he talked to Alex.

Unfortunately, even that was easier said than done. When he sat down to dinner that night, Alex sensed something was wrong. Before Andrieu could say anything, his husband spoke up. What he said nearly broke the young farmer, something he truly didn’t expect to hear.

“Andrieu… my love…” he began, staring at his plate and pushing the farm-fresh green beans around with his fork. “I can’t do this anymore. I… I think I’m in love with someone else, an actual woman. I mean, not that you are a woman, but... Okay, a woman who has an upper half that matches their lower half, you know?”

Andrieu stared at his plate, saying nothing. He knew who would capture Alex’s heart eventually, and he felt quite a fool that he held onto the belief that he would be enough. It seems that even the one he chose to marry never thought of him as a “him”, just a woman playing at being a man.

The silence was enough for Alex, who stood and packed a single bag with the things he had brought: a couple of dumbbells and various sports balls. The posters on the wall remained, as did the dresser the two had bought together. His final words as he walked out the door and out of Andrieu’s life were little more than affirmation that he’d come by another day to retrieve his weightlifting bench.

News came the next day from the mayor’s office: Alex filed for divorce and it had been approved. Amazing how such things were one-sided in a town like this. Conveniently, it rained the rest of the week. Each day that passed, Andrieu neglected more and more of the daily chores for the farm. The animals were only fed thanks to the upgraded coops Robin had built, equipped with auto-collectors and auto-feeders. Eggs would fill the chicken coop soon enough, but Andrieu couldn’t care less.

The crops were sprinkled every morning, but the crops remained unharvested. Fences around his property decayed, becoming piles of rubble. Trees started growing and the grass inched out day by day until it covered every square inch of the farm that wasn’t already occupied. The state of the farm returned to its initial state before Andrieu moved in.

Each day, the dark thoughts grew and grew, fermenting into wicked poison that seeped into his mind.

Why am I not enough?

Why am I not “woman” enough?

Am I even a man?

Did he ever love me as a man, or was I always just a broken woman?

Maybe I should be a woman again. Maybe then he’d love me.

Every time Andrieu passed by a mirror, he stared into it. His face was soft and features vaguely feminine, sure, but his hair was kept short and his form straight and narrow. His chest was small, even before his hormone replacement therapy, and he was a year into the replacement. At first glance, he could be seen as male. It was enough to satisfy the dysphoria he experienced. Why wasn’t it enough for Alex to love him as a man?

It wasn’t until a friend came knocking on his door that he started thinking past the divorce. Three friends, really. The trio of Sam, Abigail, and Sebastian came over after three weeks. Their ritual of meeting up every Friday to play pool and enjoy drinks had continued, even after the wedding. He was missing from the ritual, and they were getting worried.

Abigail was the first to hug him tight, holding him close. She whispered reassuring words as she stroked his hair. It was a funny sight, really, as Andrieu stood at least four inches taller than she did.

Sebastian came over next, enveloping them both. Wait, a ring. There was a simple gold ring on his friend’s finger and, upon closer inspection, a matching one for Abigail. He… he missed their wedding. The darkness made him miss his best friends’ wedding. He started to sniffle, fighting back tears.

When Sam came over to join them, he lost it. Tears fell freely. Andrieu found himself clinging more and more to Sam, and the newlyweds left the embrace. Sam’s shirt was wet, but the blonde never complained. They held tightly to each other until Andrieu was able to separate himself.

He looked between his friends who came all the way out here, waded through the tall grass and untended crops, just to check on him. A new sort of love blossomed in his heart, one that ran deeply through him. Appreciation, admiration, and many other words filled him, pushing out the darkness. It was the antidote to the poisonous thoughts that hounded him for weeks.

With a sniffle and a wipe of his nose with the back of his hand, he forced a weak smile. “Th-thank you…” he whispered, afraid of the sound of his own voice, lest it prove him still a woman.

Coffee was poured and they sat in a pile together on the queen sized bed that was too big for a single man and his cat. Abigail brought news of how the girl - “hardly a woman, seriously. Have you seen her get ready in the morning? Three hours on her makeup!” - that Alex had chosen over him had shunned him and turned him down. It seemed that it was nothing more than an unrequited crush, not some all-consuming love as Andrieu had thought.

Yes, he did miss the wedding. No, they didn't blame him. Yes, they would have a proper celebration once Andrieu felt more himself, but until then, they said, they would come and help him clean up the farm again. Unlike the move in, he wasn’t alone. He had friends that would help raise him up.

And true to their word, every day for the next two seasons, he had company. Usually it was just Sam, but Abigail and Sebastian came over at least a couple times a week. The farm was restored to its former glory. Crops grew and were harvested at peak season, the best quality he had managed in years. They had their celebration, a full weekend of gaming, Sam and Sebastian’s initiation into the Mine-Diving Club, and plenty of new, happy memories.

The best part of that weekend was something that happened as Sam walked Andrieu back to his farm. They stood at the front door illuminated by the iron braziers nearby. A hug was the standard, but Sam surprised him with something a little different.

As Andrieu reached for the doorknob, Sam stopped him. A gentle hand on his cheek, Sam leaned down and placed the gentlest kiss on Andrieu’s lips. Both men were suddenly shy, unable to look at each other directly until Andrieu took it upon himself to kiss Sam fully. When they finally parted, both were all smiles and shy giggles.

“Let’s do that again, yeah?” Sam asked.

Andrieu nodded, gave him one last quick peck on the lips, and went inside. Sometimes all it took to come back around was good friends and someone he had initially overlooked. Hopefully his prized crops for the Stardew Valley Fair weren’t the only things that would be growing.


End file.
